Slanted background image with a microphone and silhouette of a person.
Logo: More Change
Home | Episode #51
The Girl Who Lost Her Faith
November 22, 2019 | Student Producer:

Daryan Gomez
Episode logo
The Girl Who Lost Her Faith
TW: Suicide. Retention Specialist, Ophelia Augustine, recalls the story and loss of her friend, Faith. (6 minutes)
Ophelia Augustine

I rebuke you, Satan, in the name of Jesus. I rebuke you, Satan, in the name of Jesus. I rebuke you Satan in the name of Jesus. I -- What? Why y'all looking at me like that? None of you have never done that before. Okay, well at least tell me that you all have faith. At least tell me that you've met faith. No, alright I'm not going to stress. I'm just going to go ahead and start from the beginning. But keep up and pay attention because this is going to go fast. So when I was in elementary school, I had a best friend named Faith, and let me tell you, she was quite the character. In fact, I remember that she used to be afraid of everything: ghosts, goons, goblins, demons, the devil, you name it. She used to cry to her parents every night because she was so afraid to go to sleep. 

So one day her mom decided to finally put an end to all of that by giving faith this beautiful cross. She told her that the cross would protect her. That this cross was her faith. And as long as she kept it and repeated the words, I rebuke you, Satan, in the name of Jesus, nothing or no one could ever hurt her. As silly as it sounds, it really seemed to help Faith. Well un--until she lost it. I remember she was so distraught. I mean we spent hours, days, weeks even looking for it, but to no avail it simply could not be found. So one day I came up with this brilliant idea that if we couldn't find her cross, then perhaps we could find her faith in something else. And let me tell you, we tried everything. We tried finding her faith in sticks and stones, chants and special sayings, toys and dolls. Nothing, nothing worked. 

And I could tell Faith really needed a miracle at this point. So being the genius that I am, I came up with another brilliant idea. I know, I know I'm amazing, but this story is really not about me. It's about my friend Faith. So let's, let's keep on track. Anyway, I figured that if she can find faith in something, then perhaps she can find faith in someone. So we searched high and low until we found Faith a group of friends. I mean if you can't find faith in a group of friends, where can you find it? Okay, so that didn't work out for her too well either something about her being too whitewashed or not black enough. I can't remember. Anyway, Faith was ready to throw in the towel, but I convinced her to give it another shot. I mean, there are millions of people in the world and we just needed to find one. 

She tried to find faith in her father, but that didn't work out because he saw her more as a lover than a child and well that's another story. Then she tried to find faith in her mother, but that didn't work out either because Faith's mother had more faith in her father. Y-you see how complicated this gets. Then when she was taken away from her parents, she tried finding faith in other family members, but they weren't always the kindest to her. She never had anything of her own and never felt like she quite fit in. She felt isolated and judged and she just didn't know how long could hold it together. That was a very, very dark period for my friend Faith 

I was able to convince her to hold on for just a little bit longer until one day she met a boy. Faith was head over heels in love with him, I mean I was just excited for her because it seemed like he was the answer to all of her problems. He promised her that if she stayed strong and just had faith that he would rescue her and they would live happily ever after, but that didn't work out either because, like a lot of people in Faith's life, he used and abused her as well. 

Then there was that one time where she thought she found faith in a stranger on the bus, but then that quickly turned tragic because he kidnapped and raped her for hours before she escaped. We never really talked about that much. Nevertheless, my friend Faith was strong, very strong, and she never gave up hope and soon she met another man, an older man, and this one really seemed legit. I mean, she learned her lesson this time and she was going to take the time to really get to know him. I swear I thought it was all going to work out this time and for a while it seemed like it did, but then that relationship turned out to be just as abusive as all the others. It only seemed worse because of all the beatings, but it was just as bad as the others. I mean, I can spend hours telling you how many other people she put her faith into, but there's no point. See Faith was in so much pain, so much pain. 

And if you thought she was scared and afraid before, you can only imagine how she felt at this point. I mean I tried everything I could do to take her pain away. I tried I just, I couldn't. You know, she had this crazy idea that she just needed to start over, you know, like from scratch. She believed that she was being punished for losing that cross her mother gave her, and that's why no matter how long and how hard we tried she would never find it. She honestly believed that she would have to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to find her faith again. I told her that she was silly and crazy to think like that and that we would find her faith eventually, but that only made her sink deeper into her darkness. Then one day I got the call that changed my life forever. 

Faith sadly took her life. I thought I had knocked all of that nonsense out of her head, but I was wrong. I couldn't believe it. I still can't believe it. My friend Faith And you know the freaky thing about it is that supposedly when they were performing her autopsy, they found Faith's cross. I'm not kidding. Apparently she, she had her faith on her all this time, but she didn't know it because it was inside of her. The one place we never looked. Don't look at me like that. I beat myself up every single day because of it. Like why did I not think to look there? I don't know. I guess the day she lost her faith, I kind of lost mine. And I know it sounds silly, but every now and again when I get scared, anxious, nervous, or lose faith in myself or humanity I just spin in my little circle and chant, I rebuke you, Satan, in the name of Jesus. I don't know, I--I guess it reminds me of Faith and brings me closer to mine.