At 26 I was ready. Undeniable willing to embark upon a new adventure. Love. Everyone else was in it, so I thought.
I humorously turned to online dating.
It was love at first type.
I was captivated by his punctuation, nouns and verbs.
An English professor from Baltimore. Talk, dark and handsome.
After 3 months I forsook all others and joined him in holy matrimony. Soon I would learn the consequences of forsaking others. You see, in a rush towards happily ever after, the relationships that mattered the most started to deteriorate, like the one with my parents – but especially my mother.
She wasn’t included in the courtship. There was no engagement – and absolutely no bridal planning. Her youngest daughter – soon to be a wife – and she was in no way involved. I assumed there would be time to catch her up later.
After the nuptial’s life began to happen and quickly. All that I had dreamed of seemed to vanish into thin air. I needed my mother more than ever before.
I had become a victim of domestic violence.
Within seven months I was pregnant with our first child.
Seven months after that my mother had been re-diagnosed with cancer.
I lived on the other side of the country and was isolated from everything familiar to me.
I was never able to truly make up for that lost time.
Most of my energy went towards salvaging a bad marriage, and the birth of my son.
Often my mother’s phone calls to our home would wind up in the Vonage voicemail system.
Sometimes with her just sharing her day with me, like I had never left.
I feel like that was her way of letting me know she wasn’t mad at me anymore for the poor choices that I’d made and that t I didn’t have to be embarrassed for the life I was living.
Other times, she’d call to check on me after discovering he and I had terrible fight.
I wanted her to know I was strong. That she was more than me calling her to rescue me from his wrath.
I went back home when my son was 2 months old and wound up staying almost a year.
She was often heavily medicated – looking for escape from the pain of cancer. Instead of the chats about nothing, we simply exchange touches. And each time it was like she was saying goodbye.
When my son turned 1, I left. She left 8 months later, and now I all have are the memories of her, and those Vonage voice messages